It's 4:48 a.m., and I am just barely awake. My cat Gracie (one of five!) is fast asleep, her head pressed against mine, one front leg draped across my shoulder. It's a warm feeling of love and comfort, and even though my stomach is hurting (side effects from Interferon treatments), I feel glad. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
I am finding contentment more often in my life than I ever have before. The challenge of fighting cancer has been a strange catalyst, urging me to seek God more often throughout the day than I did previously. It has bound me to other patients at the RCC, to health care professionals and colleagues at work, feeling a keen appreciation for what they do, their impact on my life, and the loving kindness God has shown me throughout this process.
A very dim blue light falls all around my bed, early as it is, and I can feel the beginning of a fever -- achy joints, chills, all that. Part of the effects. A reminder of how frail my body is, how weak I am without my Lord and Savior.
And there's Gracie, shifting slightly, snuggling more intimately into my face. Just one more way God reminds me that I am His child, and I praise Him for the sweet and tender mercy of knowing Him and loving Him, even as poorly as I do that.
faith, life, depression, struggle
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