I surrender

These must be salad days for feminism. Not that feminists have accomplished all their goals; far from it. But they have made enormous strides. College admissions and graduates are tilting heavily female, and boys are demonstrating more problems socially than ever before. As research summarized in Science Daily points out:

Boys face high rates of a variety of mental health issues, in addition to lagging behind girls in academic performance and college attendance, according to two new papers by University of Alaska Fairbanks researcher Judith Kleinfeld.

...

Still, boys are in far more serious trouble, she argues. The gender gap in reading and writing at the end of high school, for example, is far wider than the gap in math and science ever was. More than a quarter of American male high school graduates can't understand a newspaper article, compared to about 10 percent of girls.

So what's the problem, really? Haven't we all learned by now that all men are rapists, oppressors, progenitors of the patriarchy? Brutal, violent thugs? Yep. Learned. I've taken it to heart, certainly. I hate myself for being male, and for being white, and often for being human, too, since that embraces the first two necessarily. 

Wait—does feminism really embrace the destruction of maleness and males? Of course it does. All revolutions have as their goal, ultimately, the destruction of perceived oppressors. When they're honest, the leaders of such revolutions will admit freely (or even celebrate openly) this fact. Most of the time, though, it's couched in language of justice and, when a sop is called for, reconciliation.

The truth is that we are all at war with each other, constantly, and within ourselves, against ourselves. Conflict, struggle, violence and destruction are the facilities of life's essence. We make human existence more tolerable by concealing this reality with the language of love, mercy, forgiveness, etc. But as the example of South Africa shows, all the well-intended initiatives in the world of giants among us, such as Nelson Mandela, inevitably deteriorate into vindictive violence without end. South Africa is now the homicide capital of the world, and no one—black, white, or otherwise—is safe.

And here is the bitterest irony of all: Suicide is still viewed as an inappropriate response to informed self-hatred, to society's growing disgust with who you are because of your gender, because of history, because of plenty of things that are outside your control. Thus was it always, of course; ask any African American or Native American. Hatred, murder, oppression is the human way.

Life is the greatest curse of all. I don't know what I did prior to my birth, or whether I did anything; I don't know. But I do know that God created a being, me, whom He hates. The Bible:

¹³As it is written,^(V) "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."
 ¹⁴What shall we say then?^(W) Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! ¹⁵For he says to Moses,^(X) "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." ¹⁶So then it depends not on human will or exertion,^[b] but on God, who has mercy. ¹⁷For the Scripture says to Pharaoh,^(Y) "For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." ¹⁸So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.—Rom. 9:13-18

So, obviously, God hates some of us. God delights in creation, but God also delights in destroying those He created for the full vengeance of His justice. This demonstrates to us that God is to be feared. And I do fear Him.

I have given up on the idea of salvation, however. I believe I am damned. I take God at His Word, and I fear Him like I fear nothing and no one else. Why, oh God, did you make me just to destroy me? Your glory is manifest without me; all whom you enable will see, will understand, will fear and glorify you. I fear and glorify you, because you are God. As David wrote:

¹⁰Now therefore, O kings, be wise;
   be warned, O rulers of the earth.
^11(P) Serve the LORD with^(Q) fear,
   and^(R) rejoice with trembling.
^12(S) Kiss^(T) the Son,
   lest he be angry, and you perish in the way,
   for his^(U) wrath is quickly kindled.—Ps. 2:10-12

"God is love," eh? Maybe, but He is more than that, too—He is the Judge, the Destroyer, the Annihilator, the Tormentor.

But I must say that there is nothing about that fact that makes me even vaguely unique. I am a number; nothing more. One more for the trash pile. All that remains for me is to be hardened further, then judged and sent to hell to suffer eternal conscious torment. I know it's coming. I fear it like I fear nothing else.