A year (or longer) of very depressing posts

I'm thankful that my depression seems managed now, thanks to the addition of Abilify to my medication regimen. It got so awful there for a while, obviously, that any relief is most welcome.

And about all those blisteringly depressing posts ... I know, one perhaps shouldn't post such things on a blog. On the other hand, I wanted to record what my battle with depression was like in hopes that it might help someone else in that fight see that he or she is not alone. Depression is so utterly isolating, such a thief of every ounce of joy and desire to live, that it takes over one's life. I wish it had been otherwise, believe you me, but it was what it was, and I am what I am.

Still, I apologize for any offense I might have given, as well as for the unremitting desperation of this blog for so many months. It was not my intention to brutalize anyone's psyche, and I certainly hope I didn't do so. I merely wanted to relate what it feels like to have a psyche brutalized by depression, day in and day out.

Now that I've come out on the other side, I can honestly say that I don't regret posting all those thoughts and feelings that came out of the battle. It was and is a genuine record of a fight that nearly led me to kill myself more than once. I am glad—relieved, joyous, comforted—that God preserved me through this fight, which was far worse than cancer and chemo, or any of the other physical ailments and misfortunes I've stumbled through in 48 years. I'm still here, a little (or a lot) worse for wear, but still on two feet, all by God's grace and mercy. It is hard for me to believe sometimes that God would care about someone as stumbling and fumbling as I am, but He does, just as He cares for all of us. It's all of His goodness and grace, and for that, I rejoice.